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Sevme Beni Hak Etmiyorum

Ben***8217;li cümleler kurma***8230; yazılarına düşmesin karanlığım***8230; içimdesin kanıyorum***8230; beyaz sayfalarına bulaşmasın kirli kanım***8230; sevdim seni***8230; kendime bile itiraf etmekten korkacak kadar sevdim***8230; bu yüzdendi senli cümlelerimi en derinime hapsedişim***8230; bu yüzdendi uzanan elini görmezden gelişlerim***8230; bu yüzdendi ***8220;gel***8221; deyişlerini duymamazlık edişlerim***8230;

Sevdim seni***8230; nedensiz, beklentisiz, gerekçesiz, tanımsız***8230; sevdikçe korktum kendimden***8230; sevdikçe uzaklaştım senden***8230; yeni hayaller, yeni düşler kuramayacak kadar yorgunum***8230; sevme beni, benim bezmişliğim değmesin sıcacık yüreğine***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230; Alışık değilim bana dair yazılar yazılmasına***8230; Bugüne kadar hep bendim içini döken beyaz sayfalara başkaları adına***8230; Hep bendim satır satır kanayan***8230;Şimdi senin satır aralarında kendi adımı hecelemek hiç görmemem gereken mavi bir düşü anımsatmakta***8230; Bu düşe dalmak istemiyorum***8230; Çünkü biliyorum, her düş karabasana dönüşmeye mahkum***8230; Biliyorum her düş apansız bir uyanışla son bulmakta***8230; Bu düşe dalmak istemiyorum, bu düşten uyanmak istemediğim için***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230; Bu ruh, bu yürek alışık değil yaralarının sarılmaya çalışılmasına***8230; Ömrümce içimi cam kesikleriyle lime lime edenlere koştum ben***8230; Benden beni çalıp geri vermeyenlere uzandı ellerim yıllarca***8230; Hep bekleyendim, hiç olmadı bekleyenim***8230; Şimdi ne olursa olsun bekleyenim olacaksın biliyorum ama inanamıyorum***8230; Bilip de inanmamanın nasıl olduğunu sorma bana***8230; Yine, ben anlatmasam da beni anlamana sığınıyorum***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230; O kadar uzun zaman beklentisiz, karşılıksız sevdim ki insanları ve o kadar uzun zaman beklentisiz, karşılıksız sevilmeyi bekledim ki, artık yitirdim inancımı***8230; Artık onlardan biri olmak için kendime rağmen kendimle cebelleşirken çıktın karşıma***8230; Sevme beni, kendime geri dönmemeliyim***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230; Korkumdan yazmadım sana bunca zaman***8230; Korkumdan içimdesin***8230; Ben***8217;li cümleler olmasın satırlarında***8230;.Okuyunca içim içime sığmıyor***8230; Yansımamı sende görmek yüreğimi yakıyor***8230; Sen yazdıkça, çok eskide kalan bir masal belli belirsiz benliğime süzülüyor***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230; Şimdi zamansızlıklarımda boğuluyorum***8230; Gereksiz meşguliyetler yarattım dünyevi istekler adına***8230; Kaçışımı kolaylaştırsın diye önemli insan rollerine büründüm ahmakça***8230; Kendimi kandırıp, kendimden kaçıp kaybolmanın, yok olmanın, hiç olmanın derdindeyim***8230; ***8220;Ben***8221; olarak tutunamıyorum***8230;

Sevme beni, korkuyorum***8230;
Sevme beni, ***8220;Beni sevme***8221; derken içimi parçalıyorum, içime kanıyorum***8230;
Sevme beni, hak etmiyorum***8230;
Sevme beni, seni seviyorum......

...............

[BillieDilk]

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[BillieDilk]

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